Mini-arsonists and door-to-door salesmen

As I've mentioned, I live in the land of tupperware and mini-vans, in a place that is somewhere between Pleasantville and Stepford. Not a LOT goes on here in the very, scary suburbs, so when my children's school practically burns down due to arsonists, it's a big deal.

Okay, well maybe it didn't practically burn down, but it was a big deal just the same, (if you're seven...)

Some kids decided to light toilet paper on fire in the girls bathroom yesterday at DD's school. The fire alarm went off, the school was evacuated and the POLICE came to investigate. They searched children for lighters and matches and patrolled the bathrooms. Very exciting stuff! I'm surprised they didn't do a mandatory lock-down and call us to come get our little juvenile delinquents.

First thing I asked DD#2 (the alien-abducted one,) was "Did YOU do it?" (I'm sure that girl is destined for a life of crime, so I thought I may as well know what I'm dealing with right from the onset.) But alas, it was not one of my little hedons; whew...dodged a bullet this time. Can you imagine what people would have said if it HAD been DD#2?

"Oh, that's the kid who's MOTHER IS A LESBIAN, tsk, tsk, I saw that coming from a mile away!"
"If it wasn't for her MOTHER BEING A LESBIAN, that child would be normal."
"You know, children need traditional family values, or they become arsonists!"

Would have been good material for them anyway. Oh well, maybe next time.

After the daughters came home from their traumatic day at school, we were busily doing the things that we do every afternoon, homework, chores, practicing piano, watching TiVo'd episodes of Dancing with the Stars. We were peacefully enjoying ourselves when someone knocked at the door.

Remember blogging friends, I have very few friends IRL, so practically NO ONE ever knocks on my door which led me to believe only one thing; door-to-door salesperson.
Now granted I have a very tastefully framed sign in my doorway that states:

NO SOLICITING

Unless you are a child under the age of eighteen
doing a school fundraiser,
selling cookies, candy, or collecting cans.

Then by all means, solicit away.

I also have all of the religion that I can handle right now!

I'm nice about it, polite, because I'm a polite kind of girl. Wouldn't you think that people would have the politeness to abide by my wishes? You would think so, but the truth is that they do NOT. Either that, or they can't read, who really knows.

All I know is that weekly I have to tell the Kirby vacuum people that I don't need a vacuum because I have all hardwood floors, then I have to gesture behind me and SHOW them that I have hardwood floors. They don't care. They would still like me to spend six thousand dollars on a vacuum cleaner that I DO NOT NEED!

Yesterday the door-to-door salesman wanted to tell me about the program that he is in to give "inner-city youth without opportunities an opportunity to better themselves through job training, yada, yada, yada." He said he was from North Portland and that he has a two month old baby to support and that is why he is out here trying to better himself to give himself and his family a better life.

All I had to do to help him is buy a magazine subscription at a discounted price which will give him points and a 50% commission on the purchasing price.

Now I SAW that 20/20 Primetime Newsweek Special about the door-to-door magazine subscription racket and what a racket it truly is. I called him on this and he said that he didn't know anything about THAT, but HIS program was a LOCAL program to help local underprivileged people.

Fine, give me the damn magazine list.

I look at the list, pick out National Geographic For Kids, and fill out the damn form. It is only when I look at the payment coupon that I see I am being charged $54.00 for TEN issues of the magazine. Yes, blogging friends, FIFTY-FOUR DOLLARS! I said, "This isn't what it COST, is it?" He said yes it did, but their magazines are discounted and the price reflects the discount plus a $10.00 handling fee.

Huh.

I asked him what it would cost for me to subscribe to this magazine directly through National Geographic and he said that he didn't know, but really, it wasn't about the magazine, it was about investing in HIM.

I don't even know HIM.

I don't even know who HE is.

I told him that I wasn't comfortable spending $54.00 for a magazine subscription, that I have never in my life spent that much money for a magazine subscription and that I was sorry. I also said, that I would rather just give him twenty bucks and skip the magazine, to which he was very offended. He said what he was doing wasn't charity.

No, screwing someone over is called something else all together.

If there is one thing I can't stand is being taken advantage of. I pride myself on being a wise person who is able to look at many angles of things before making a decision. I think I've always done a pretty good job buying houses, cars, financing things, etc. to try to get the very best deal that I could. Hell, I didn't even by Chex cereal at the grocery store yesterday because it wasn't on sale. I certainly wasn't going to spend $54.00 on a magazine that I didn't need without doing my homework.

I told Mr. Door-to-Door salesman that I would look up on the internet the subscription price of the magazine and if I thought it was an okay deal, he could come back.

He said again that it wasn't about the magazine it was about his being able to feed his family to which I said, "Listen, I'm a WAITRESS. How do you think it would be if I served my tables and then gave them an inflated check for their food and explained to them that they were being ripped off because I was feeding my family on that? They wouldn't give a shit and they would never come back."

He left.

I didn't think I would see him again, but I still looked up the magazine subscription on-line.

Guess how much a 10 issue subscription to National Geographic for Kids costs???

Go ahead, guess, I'll wait.

FIFTEEN DOLLARS!

$39.00 less than what he was charging me.

Well that was that, RSG was a smart consumer once again.
I loaded up the little arsonists, I mean children, and took the big one to piano lessons and the little ones to the grocery store for much needed items. We returned and I started cooking dinner while everyone finished homework, etc.

DOORBELL RINGS.
I said, "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
Sure enough, it was inner-city-underprivileged-door-to-door salesman.
I opened the door and said,

"Hey, I looked up the magazine and it only costs $15.00. That's over three times what you were going to charge me, and to be exact $39.00 more. $39.00 is what I just spent at the grocery store to feed MY family for two dinners, breakfasts and lunches. You need to take care of your family, but I also need to take care of mine."

He left. I felt vindicated and we don't have another magazine cluttering up our house.
Now, if an underprivileged-inner-city-door-to-door-magazine salesman turns to a life of crime in North Portland because I didn't buy a magazine from him, I am truly sorry. Truly I am.
Be on the lookout LeLo and AdRi.