Depressed in the sunshine
The sun is shining again and it is over 70 degrees; but I am sitting here crying over my keyboard.
I have had the unfortunate ordeal of dealing with some very severe PMS the last few days. I have at times throughout the last week felt deeply depressed interrupted by some feelings of normalcy. I've cried several times today and I am unable to really identify the cause of the feelings. I'm sad and scared and unsure and feeling quite fragile all around. I know that I will have days like this; I know that I'll have days like this; I know I will; I just don't know how to quite handle them. I really, really need to just start my period and get it over with, I know that will help a little. I also need some sleep. I've been so tired the last few days and unable to sleep, no matter how hard I've tried. I've tried to nap yesteday and today. Today, I am so sleepy, so very sleepy; and completely unable to sleep.
I feel like I have nothing to look forward to that will lift me out of this funk; only more of this desparity that I feel like I'm starting to sink under. Will I drown in it? Sometimes I feel like I'm dying, like all of this pain is just too much to bear and it will someday just kill me; I will just curl up in a ball and die in my own sorrow that has become my life. I just get tired of trying to look at the positive sides of everything, tired of thinking that all of this will serve me well someday. I don't want to hurt every day anymore. I don't want to worry about what is going to happen to my life. I don't want to wake up every day dreading getting through how hard it all is. I did all of this to myself; I chose it, I made it happen. And here I sit; complaining and crying about how hard it is. It's actually really pathetic.
I have had the unfortunate ordeal of dealing with some very severe PMS the last few days. I have at times throughout the last week felt deeply depressed interrupted by some feelings of normalcy. I've cried several times today and I am unable to really identify the cause of the feelings. I'm sad and scared and unsure and feeling quite fragile all around. I know that I will have days like this; I know that I'll have days like this; I know I will; I just don't know how to quite handle them. I really, really need to just start my period and get it over with, I know that will help a little. I also need some sleep. I've been so tired the last few days and unable to sleep, no matter how hard I've tried. I've tried to nap yesteday and today. Today, I am so sleepy, so very sleepy; and completely unable to sleep.
I feel like I have nothing to look forward to that will lift me out of this funk; only more of this desparity that I feel like I'm starting to sink under. Will I drown in it? Sometimes I feel like I'm dying, like all of this pain is just too much to bear and it will someday just kill me; I will just curl up in a ball and die in my own sorrow that has become my life. I just get tired of trying to look at the positive sides of everything, tired of thinking that all of this will serve me well someday. I don't want to hurt every day anymore. I don't want to worry about what is going to happen to my life. I don't want to wake up every day dreading getting through how hard it all is. I did all of this to myself; I chose it, I made it happen. And here I sit; complaining and crying about how hard it is. It's actually really pathetic.
posted by Kathryn at
5:00 PM
1 Comments:
I know what it is like to curl up into a ball an cry. I take Lexapro and it has been quite effective, but I still have an occasional episode. It sucks.
Hang in there.
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