An open letter
Dear Anyone Financially Dependent on Another Person:
DON'T DO IT.
Yes, you may have a "partnership." You may have an agreement about what is best for your family, you may think and talk about "sacrifices" and helping one or the other achieve individual sucess which will benefit both of you. You may think you have some security in that; even if something happens to dissolve your "partnership." (And believe me, ANYTHING could happen.)
Guess what?
You don't have shit.
Because as soon as money is involved; there is no such thing as keeping promises or "agreements." Even if those promises and agreements are legally binding, court ordered, or signed by a judge.
You could easily be fucked.
I was a Stay-At-Home-Mom for almost ten years. I know a lot of you out there are as well.
I certainly don't regret being there for my children when they were young, but I made a huge sacrifice.
What I DO regret is putting myself in a terribly vulnerable position being dependent on another person for the "greater good of our family," and giving up the best career building years of my life, to keep the home and raise the children, while someone else built their career.
I was a stupid, stupid woman, and if I could go back and do it over again; I would do things very, very differently. I would not lose my independence, I would not make those same sacrifices, and I certainly wouldn't trust my "partner" to look after my best interests and the interests of our family. I would look after MY best interest, just like he has, and continues to do so today.
For all of my friends who are SAHM's:
Be very, very, mindful of what I said. I know it flies off the tongue to say, "Oh, I'd take him to the cleaners..." well, girlfriends, that only works as long as he doesn't change his situation which will then change yours. You can't count on any of that, so don't lull yourself into a false sense of security thinking that you can. Just be mindful.
Before any of you fuckhead trolls even dare to comment some shit like, "Well, RSG, you chose to leave your relationship, blah, blah, blah fucking blah."
Save it.
And I'll just say "fuck off" before you even have a chance to say anything.
And so I end my open letter.
Warmest regards,
RSG
DON'T DO IT.
Yes, you may have a "partnership." You may have an agreement about what is best for your family, you may think and talk about "sacrifices" and helping one or the other achieve individual sucess which will benefit both of you. You may think you have some security in that; even if something happens to dissolve your "partnership." (And believe me, ANYTHING could happen.)
Guess what?
You don't have shit.
Because as soon as money is involved; there is no such thing as keeping promises or "agreements." Even if those promises and agreements are legally binding, court ordered, or signed by a judge.
You could easily be fucked.
I was a Stay-At-Home-Mom for almost ten years. I know a lot of you out there are as well.
I certainly don't regret being there for my children when they were young, but I made a huge sacrifice.
What I DO regret is putting myself in a terribly vulnerable position being dependent on another person for the "greater good of our family," and giving up the best career building years of my life, to keep the home and raise the children, while someone else built their career.
I was a stupid, stupid woman, and if I could go back and do it over again; I would do things very, very differently. I would not lose my independence, I would not make those same sacrifices, and I certainly wouldn't trust my "partner" to look after my best interests and the interests of our family. I would look after MY best interest, just like he has, and continues to do so today.
For all of my friends who are SAHM's:
Be very, very, mindful of what I said. I know it flies off the tongue to say, "Oh, I'd take him to the cleaners..." well, girlfriends, that only works as long as he doesn't change his situation which will then change yours. You can't count on any of that, so don't lull yourself into a false sense of security thinking that you can. Just be mindful.
Before any of you fuckhead trolls even dare to comment some shit like, "Well, RSG, you chose to leave your relationship, blah, blah, blah fucking blah."
Save it.
And I'll just say "fuck off" before you even have a chance to say anything.
And so I end my open letter.
Warmest regards,
RSG
posted by Kathryn at
8:11 PM
17 Comments:
I'm sorry RSG.
But you summed up perfectly why I've ALWAYS depended on me and ONLY me financially. It was tough when I wasn't making jack shit for an income, but I survived.
I hope things get better for you and your girls.
Which it's so important for girls to remember to get their educations and stuff.
XOXO
Absolutely true. Until you are capable of fully supporting yourself and your children (should it come to that), you aren't really in the (dependent) relationship out of CHOICE. Having the ability to leave if you had to changes everything and empowers you in ways you'll never imagine until you HAVE that choice. No matter how much you love someone, you should always be ABLE to take care of yourself in case things change. Because THINGS CHANGE. It's one of Life 101's Top Rules.
I send you blessings and love, RSG. You'll get through this. ((hugs))
I feel ya honey. I catch alot of flak from certain people for not being a SAHM but my daughter is taken care of by a family member who loves her very much and is wonderful to her. I know it's not "Mommy" but it's all good. I make a teeny bit less than my husband and I could take care of my daughter and I just fine if I had to, he knows it and sometimes it bothers him but ... I am sorry you are going through something obviously not good right now but have faith it will get better for you and your girls. Hugs sweetie.
You don't have to be a SAHM to listen to this post.
Just listen to it.
It is the gospel.
Fo real.
Work or not working..listen.
You cannot trust another human being with your business.
RSG..please email me
pissybritches@gmail.com
call me..something.
Since I have no experience and you are smarter than me anyway...I won't even attempt to argue.
Sorry, RSG. Good deeds really don't go unpunished, do they?
Ain't that the damn truth? You are so right.
Sucky poo poo.
But you are learning an important lesson WITH your girls, and teaching them something pretty darn important.
Hang in there RSG: AdRi and I are here for you...
That sucks RSG! I've been there, so I know first hand just how much it sucks. Just remember ladies, it doesn't have to be a man as the other half in the "partnership."
He is a cock face.
Bring him on down here and I will handle this shit.
So true.
I know it's frustrating, but don't beat yourself up over decisions made in the past, RSG. Just focus on the future; from your last post, it seems that future looks pretty bright.
Uh oh.
Too bad we can't just live on love.
i am a sahm and i do and will continue to rely on my husband to support this family untill the kids are grown.
sorry it did't work out for you but it doesn't mean that all marriages are doomed.
My momma always told me to stash away a secret nest egg just for these reasons... ;)
Oh hun xx
Thanks everyone.
Soozie and TJ, I always appreciate your support!
Kami, the one thing I must say is that an education doesn't do you one iota of good if you give up all of those years of work experience. You still find yourself with no marketable skills and a piece of paper saying you went to college. It's a tough place to be and I know this first hand.
Pissy, you're my number one HAB, always standing behind me!
Mrs. Fun, I don't think I ever said that all marriages are doomed, I certainly don't feel that way. My husband always promised to support this family too, but when money is involved, all of those promises go out the window and it's every person for themselves.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home