The sun continues to shine
And I am in a much better place than I was last Sunday. The PMS thing really knocked me on my ass last week and luckily Aunt Flo came to visit on Tuesday morning. I am feeling much better now!
I worked for the first time since August on Tuesday evening. My first client since my ordeal went into labor that morning and I prepared to do my first bit of labor support in a long time. I met a lot of anxiety and apprehension about doing the birth, but I knew that I would just need to get in there and do what I needed to do. The universe was kind to all of us and my client had a very quick and relatively easy, completely uncomplicated, labor and birth without the need for any medication. The baby is beautiful and entered the world with just the right amount of crying! All was well in the world and another life began.
I spent some time on Monday evening thinking about what it is that I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I know that I can't do the doula thing and support myself; also the amount of hours I spend away from my children and the on-call time is so grueling. I wouldn't have the luxury of just taking time off if I felt like for months on end, like I have. I really love the work that I do with women and couples preparing for birth and parenthood, I have a talent for it and I feel that my soul is in synch with that kind of work. How do I support myself doing that kind of work? Well, I can't unless I find another way besides doulaing or midwifery work. I looked into the funeral director program that I am interested in and found that the amount of schooling that I would need to put in, I could instead go to school for nursing and it would only take me a bit longer. This started me thinking that maybe that wouldn't be the right path for me. Of course, I still need to do quite a bit of investigation and it certainly wouldn't happen in the immediate future, but it feels good to at least be looking ahead.
Last time I wrote that I felt as though I was dying. I think that I feel sometimes like I'm dying because it's so hard for me to see anything in front of me; everything is so uncertain and so hard right now. I don't know what kind of job I'll have, what kind of car I'll have, if I'll have someone in my life or not. All of that which is so different from the way my life used to be makes me feel as though I have nothing to look forward to and no where to go; like I have no future at all, like I'm dying. I guess I needed to realize that so that I could start to make some decisions and think about some possibilites. My friend Angie told me to just do one thing every day. I have been trying to do that the last few days and I think that it's helping. Yesterday I bought a new version of Quicken. I know that sounds like a dumb thing to accomplish, but for me it was a big deal. John always kept up on all things financial and technical; this was a double whammy thing that I needed to take care of all on my own. I haven't installed it yet, one thing at a time!
Today is going to be a record weather day; sunny and 73 degrees. I'm looking forward to today's sunshine and soaking in a bit of it with my dd's. It's going to be a good day!
I worked for the first time since August on Tuesday evening. My first client since my ordeal went into labor that morning and I prepared to do my first bit of labor support in a long time. I met a lot of anxiety and apprehension about doing the birth, but I knew that I would just need to get in there and do what I needed to do. The universe was kind to all of us and my client had a very quick and relatively easy, completely uncomplicated, labor and birth without the need for any medication. The baby is beautiful and entered the world with just the right amount of crying! All was well in the world and another life began.
I spent some time on Monday evening thinking about what it is that I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I know that I can't do the doula thing and support myself; also the amount of hours I spend away from my children and the on-call time is so grueling. I wouldn't have the luxury of just taking time off if I felt like for months on end, like I have. I really love the work that I do with women and couples preparing for birth and parenthood, I have a talent for it and I feel that my soul is in synch with that kind of work. How do I support myself doing that kind of work? Well, I can't unless I find another way besides doulaing or midwifery work. I looked into the funeral director program that I am interested in and found that the amount of schooling that I would need to put in, I could instead go to school for nursing and it would only take me a bit longer. This started me thinking that maybe that wouldn't be the right path for me. Of course, I still need to do quite a bit of investigation and it certainly wouldn't happen in the immediate future, but it feels good to at least be looking ahead.
Last time I wrote that I felt as though I was dying. I think that I feel sometimes like I'm dying because it's so hard for me to see anything in front of me; everything is so uncertain and so hard right now. I don't know what kind of job I'll have, what kind of car I'll have, if I'll have someone in my life or not. All of that which is so different from the way my life used to be makes me feel as though I have nothing to look forward to and no where to go; like I have no future at all, like I'm dying. I guess I needed to realize that so that I could start to make some decisions and think about some possibilites. My friend Angie told me to just do one thing every day. I have been trying to do that the last few days and I think that it's helping. Yesterday I bought a new version of Quicken. I know that sounds like a dumb thing to accomplish, but for me it was a big deal. John always kept up on all things financial and technical; this was a double whammy thing that I needed to take care of all on my own. I haven't installed it yet, one thing at a time!
Today is going to be a record weather day; sunny and 73 degrees. I'm looking forward to today's sunshine and soaking in a bit of it with my dd's. It's going to be a good day!
posted by Kathryn at
9:22 AM
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