Fail, Fail, Fail; Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
My former Lovely But Confused Girlfriend and I are miserable failures when it comes to breaking up.
We just can't seem to figure out how to do it right.
We try; we really do.
We set boundaries and "rules."
We try to stay away from eachother.
I buy "pick-up-chick-mobiles."
I go out with crazy people that I work with and get hit on by married straight women and bi-sexuals with boyfriends.
I try to venture out into the single world.
I just really love her.
I want to be with her all of the time; and she wants to be with me.
We get around each other and it feels like the rest of the world just stops existing, there's no one or nothing else around; all I can see is her, and feel her and want her.
Suddenly all of the reasons that we discussed over and over for why we should spend time apart don't seem to make any sense; we only want each other.
And we do this for a few days and then reality strikes again. I realize, or she realizes that what we're doing still isn't working for us and what we really need is to re-evaluate so that she can try to figure out how to be okay with the way things are.
Why is it so hard?
It feels like I can't breathe when I don't know when I'll see her again. My body doesn't know how to rest without feeling her next to me. I need and want to have her in my presence, to talk to her, to be with her.
And she feels the same way about me.
That is what is so hard.
So over and over again we fail at breaking up.
We spend time together again are crazy over eachother and then have a reality check and we start all over again.
And I feel stupid.
Stupid because I can't be strong enough to just call it OFF for as long as it takes.
I'm stupid and I must have no self-esteem if I can't do what my head says that I should do because it is contrary to what my heart says.
I feel like a failure. A STUPID failure because I let love and emotion lead me into getting hurt over and over again.
I just don't get it.
Why do I have to be like this?
We just can't seem to figure out how to do it right.
We try; we really do.
We set boundaries and "rules."
We try to stay away from eachother.
I buy "pick-up-chick-mobiles."
I go out with crazy people that I work with and get hit on by married straight women and bi-sexuals with boyfriends.
I try to venture out into the single world.
I just really love her.
I want to be with her all of the time; and she wants to be with me.
We get around each other and it feels like the rest of the world just stops existing, there's no one or nothing else around; all I can see is her, and feel her and want her.
Suddenly all of the reasons that we discussed over and over for why we should spend time apart don't seem to make any sense; we only want each other.
And we do this for a few days and then reality strikes again. I realize, or she realizes that what we're doing still isn't working for us and what we really need is to re-evaluate so that she can try to figure out how to be okay with the way things are.
Why is it so hard?
It feels like I can't breathe when I don't know when I'll see her again. My body doesn't know how to rest without feeling her next to me. I need and want to have her in my presence, to talk to her, to be with her.
And she feels the same way about me.
That is what is so hard.
So over and over again we fail at breaking up.
We spend time together again are crazy over eachother and then have a reality check and we start all over again.
And I feel stupid.
Stupid because I can't be strong enough to just call it OFF for as long as it takes.
I'm stupid and I must have no self-esteem if I can't do what my head says that I should do because it is contrary to what my heart says.
I feel like a failure. A STUPID failure because I let love and emotion lead me into getting hurt over and over again.
I just don't get it.
Why do I have to be like this?
posted by Kathryn at
9:36 PM
14 Comments:
I love you Woo. It will all happen as you need it to. When you are "done" you will know it's the right time & it won't be so hard for you to stay away.
Just remember to take care of yourself along your journey.
Shelly
The worst part about love is the "I can't help it" part. It feels like you're walking through a maze that has nothing but barriers and no middle. I hate that feeling.
The only advice there is: Don't forget to breathe. Even when it feels like you're gonna die, you won't.
The thing that helped me get through my breakup when my partner of seven years left me: If there is one person out there that I can love this much, that means I know how to love. And if I know how to love, there is another person out there that I can love this much, or maybe even more.
One day at a time, this will all work out. You're not stupid. You have a heart. Hearts don't follow head rules.
Good luck. Breathe.
We always want we can't have and unfortunately we all NEED what we think we shouldn't: pain. It's our masochistic nature.
-a pessimist.
You ARE NOT stupid..you are HUMAN.
:)
We love you!
You are not stupid. You are a human and humans have feelings. You two obviously love eachother.
One commenter suggested couples' counseling. That really does help. I came from a fucked up home and took a lot of shit into our marriage. Counseling completely saved our marriage.....we fought and broke up all the time, but we were so drawn to eachother (which sounds like you two). Counseling was so worth it. Our love was worth it.
Good luck!!!!
since you aren't on my messenger list... here is a link to the site you asked about- all you have to do is cut & paste a little code.
http://extremetracking.com/
aww Love's a bitch, but there are those little moments that just make it so hard to say no! Just take your time and do what feels right for YOU and to hell with what everyone else thinks. Good luck!
you are not, and never could be, stupid. you are such a strong soul to continually hold your heart out there in hopes of finding happiness (in light of repeated pain). never doubt yourself in your capacity to love and to trust. it is a characteristic that eludes so many.
your post brought to mind a quote of maya angelou's that i adore:
"have enough courage to trust love one more time. and always one more time."
you are a strong and courageous woman.
Sorry I haven't kept up...you're not stupid. Heck, I'm so stupid I don't even know why you're not stupid.
But I know you're not stupid.
Oh, blogger is stupid. Blogger is worse than the stupid Professor Hottie who hasn't called since Sunday.
And I NEEEEEED Blogger more than a man right now.
Told you I'm stupid.
My first thought, and the one that's stuck with me as I've reread your post is that maybe you two keep getting back together and are drawn to each other because you're meant to be together, you just need some help getting things working right/healthy. I tend to agree with the person who suggested couples counseling. At least then you'll both be able to either get it together and stay together if you're meant to be, or you'll be able to break up in a healthy way so you can both move on. Good luck!
Love sucks sometimes. It is hard, hard, hard. But it is also amazing. What you need to figure out is... do the pros of being with her outweight the cons? And if so, then figure out how to fix some of the cons. A relationship is a journey. Can you enjoy the ride or is it wearing you out??
Your post just made me want to cry. I can't imagine anything worse than being in love. Have to weigh in wether the happy is greater than the sad . Love makes you do silly irrational things that you would never do if you had a clear head. Sometimes we just keep going back to someone because they are comfortable or familiar and that feels good. But eventually like you said, reality hits. I really wish you so much luck and many hugs. Ultimately it is a descision that only you can make. When is being in love just not enough to stay together? Take good care and have some pie and ice cream.. it helps clear the brain. ;)
This post reminds me of a RUMI poem.
Crazy Love...
btw...crazy love...Van Morrison.
"She gives me love, love, love, crazy love."
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