Love and Thanks
Thanks to everyone for their kind comments on my previous post. You are all so very nice and helpful to a recovering straight girl in need.
Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the emotion of our entire situation. So much of it is the same over and over again; but sometimes it feels as though relationship is evolving in something different. And then it gets confusing again.
Our love for each other isn't the problem.
Our desire to be together isn't the problem.
We aren't afraid to be together.
Neither of us have any sexual idenity issues.
I don't really know that we would benefit from couples counseling because we only really have one problem.
My former lovely but confused girlfriend is so completely hung-up on her EX that she can't move on to be in a complete and committed relationship with me.
Does she love me?
Yes.
Does she want me?
Yes.
Does she need me?
Yes.
Does she want to have a life with me?
Yes.
Is she able to let go of her previous relationship and the dynamics of that relationship?
No.
She understands that this is a problem and she would really like to not have it be this way; but it is and that's just that.
She understands that I get and am dissapointed in the way things are. That I want something more than to have her heart most of the time except for when I don't.
She knows that I get and am frustrated with the situation; that I gave everything up about my life but she isn't quite able to do that.
She's not TRYING to cause me pain and upset and frustration and dissapointment. I know that. But the situation does cause me all of those things and it's hurtful and it's hard.
She's NOT playing me. I know some people might think that, but THAT is not the case. I know this because I know it in my heart and my soul.
And THAT my blogging friends on the internet is why I am so unsure of how to handle the situation, (like I can handle it anyway, like I have contol over someone else.)
The way that I see it, and have seen it for a long time, is that I can either:
1. Hang in there and wait for her to be able to let go of her XW.
2. Let go and let her figure it out on her own.
Both options kind of suck because neither of them is a win-win situation for me.
And both options HURT.
And this has been going on for a long time.
Almost a year.
That's the story fine readers of my blog.
And the story just continues being much of the same with no real end it sight.
And I keep going.
And waiting.
And wishing.
That the story ends up with a happy ending.
Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the emotion of our entire situation. So much of it is the same over and over again; but sometimes it feels as though relationship is evolving in something different. And then it gets confusing again.
Our love for each other isn't the problem.
Our desire to be together isn't the problem.
We aren't afraid to be together.
Neither of us have any sexual idenity issues.
I don't really know that we would benefit from couples counseling because we only really have one problem.
My former lovely but confused girlfriend is so completely hung-up on her EX that she can't move on to be in a complete and committed relationship with me.
Does she love me?
Yes.
Does she want me?
Yes.
Does she need me?
Yes.
Does she want to have a life with me?
Yes.
Is she able to let go of her previous relationship and the dynamics of that relationship?
No.
She understands that this is a problem and she would really like to not have it be this way; but it is and that's just that.
She understands that I get and am dissapointed in the way things are. That I want something more than to have her heart most of the time except for when I don't.
She knows that I get and am frustrated with the situation; that I gave everything up about my life but she isn't quite able to do that.
She's not TRYING to cause me pain and upset and frustration and dissapointment. I know that. But the situation does cause me all of those things and it's hurtful and it's hard.
She's NOT playing me. I know some people might think that, but THAT is not the case. I know this because I know it in my heart and my soul.
And THAT my blogging friends on the internet is why I am so unsure of how to handle the situation, (like I can handle it anyway, like I have contol over someone else.)
The way that I see it, and have seen it for a long time, is that I can either:
1. Hang in there and wait for her to be able to let go of her XW.
2. Let go and let her figure it out on her own.
Both options kind of suck because neither of them is a win-win situation for me.
And both options HURT.
And this has been going on for a long time.
Almost a year.
That's the story fine readers of my blog.
And the story just continues being much of the same with no real end it sight.
And I keep going.
And waiting.
And wishing.
That the story ends up with a happy ending.
posted by Kathryn at
1:02 PM
17 Comments:
All of your wishes WILL come true.
It is not your fault that she can't make up her mind. I know that you love her and everyone has their issues..believe me! I understand that you don't want to let go. I don't think she is playing you. I think she is confused..just like you say she is.
It is all about what you are willing to put up with. All of us put up with something in a relationship. My put up withs are 2 teenagers that have a crack ho mother and I have to raise them everyday of my life on top of raising my toddler. I never get a break from them, they never go away for the weekend with their mother or anyone else for that matter. I always have a kid in my house...ALWAYS. That is my sacrifice. I hope that you guys figure it all out and that everything works for you.
:)
Pissy: I love you girl! That is a LOT to put up with; but I bet you are a great step-mother and you ARE making the world a better place by giving those kids a better life by mothering them and caring for them. That my friend makes a difference in the world.
Does she read your blog?
Hang in there, if it is worth it to you both, it'll happen.
Rooting for you, Girl
~K!
RSG,
All of this is, of course, only my opinion and based on little information, but...
If I remember correctly, she wasn't out of the past relationship long before y'all hooked up. In my opinion, you need time apart. More than a few weeks. She needs to get over her ex, and if y'all jumped into a relationship, it's too easy for her not to. Getting over a serious relationship and being ready for a new relationship takes work, and very rarely can a person work on the getting over part and the new relationship part at the same time. Most people need to be alone to get over those relationships. Maybe some time -- real time -- would be the best thing for your relationship, because when you come back together, the baggage will be much lighter and the two of you can move forward instead of taking two steps forward and three steps back.
Of course, I know that's easier said and done. I don't know if I could do it. But in my uninvolved, detached, objective viewpoint, that's what seems best.
And, of course, I could be wrong. Totally and completely. So take it with a grain of salt and tell me to shut up if you want! :-)
No matter what, I hope it works out.
That up there should say "easier said than done" not "and done". Sorry!
I'm sorry your hurting. I'm in a similar situation so I understand just how much it can hurt. The only advice I have is to not give up on her. I think eventually with time she will come around because from what you have said in the past you two seem so right for each other!
I can so hear where you're coming from - I've been there. Although my situation was not complicated by the same-sex dynamic, I can TOTALLY relate to the feelings you describe. My lover had not even left his relationship when we fell desperately, head-over-heels in love. I couldn't breathe, either, when I thought I'd never see him again - and that was a feeling I'd never experienced before. And yet I vowed I would abstain from him because he was so messed up. BUT here we are, ten years later, happily attached, living a 'normal' life - not without conflicts, but with love, loyalty, commitment. And when I read your post I am taken back to those first horrible couple of years. And all I can say is: hang in there. Right now it may seem forever, but when you're ten years on and look back you may think as I do: 'It was only a year and it was worth it to get to where we are now'.
Good luck. Really.
Hang in there...listen to yourself and to your heart. You'll know what to do. In the meantime, it's a bitch, ain't it?
xxooxo
I wish a happy ending for you, too. ((hugs))
I don't think that I can find any words to make it all happy for you. But just know that we (your faithful blogging family) is here for you. I'll be sending out "happy ending" vibes and hoping that all turns out well for you. You deserve to be happy to be treated like you're #1. Don't forget that.
Kismet: Yes, she reads my blog. She doesn't quite like it much.
Valerie: You are correct. We were both with our previous partners when we began our relationship. We were friends for two years first before anything developed. I know that it could be beneficial for her to be "alone" for awhile to figure stuff out; we've just never been able to follow through with that.
lealea: I know I deserve someone who completely wants me; I do want that, I'm just hoping it will come.
Anna and Alda: Thanks for stopping by and your kindness.
Lelo, TJ, and MW: You girls are the best; thanks for your nice words.
Hi RSG! I have been reading your blog for a while, but this is the first time I am posting a comment.
I totally feel your pain. Nothing hurts more then meeting someone, and you both totally fall for each other but there are other circumstances that have nothing to do with desire that get in the way. It blows, big time.
You know the saying "If you love something, set it free and if it comes back thats how you know its yours"? Maybe that applies in this situation.
More important then you LBCG needing time, you need to take care of yourself! And if you are feeling blue and worried, that wont help at all.
But have faith :-) You are a lovely, brave woman and you deserve the bestest.
Take Care!
I wish you the best. I know this is a tough situation. We are all rooting for you.
I'm sorry your sad. I'm one of those sappy love story girls that believes in the end it'll all work out and everyone will be happy. I believe this will happen for you. If you two were friends before you entered into the relationship, I hope that you two continue to be friends and not lose that part of your relationship. Relationships are hard but worth working at-if it's what you both want. I wish good things for you RSG and your former(?) LBCG.
Damn...I have no solution. I'm so sorry.
But I think Pissy really knows what she's talking about.
Newbie here to your blog, RSG...loving it, btw...
I'm with little sister...I do believe Pissy has hit the nail on the head.
I do wish you the best, though.
Just hope things work out for you...
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