A new pope

Well, despite my hopes and efforts, I don't think that they chose me to be the new pope. I'm not quite sure why?

I suppose it could be that I'm not Catholic, and that I am a liberal, democrat, lesbian, woman. Maybe?

Well, they haven't made the announcement yet; we're still listening to Brian Williams reporting from the vatican that white smoke has come out of the Sistine Chapel. Why don't they just blog it, or send out something on the internet? Crazy. It's time to enter the new millenium, God is cool with technology, really.

If I had been elected Pope, these are the things that I would have done first in my papacy:

1. I would do away with that abstinence thing for priests. That rule is no good and should have been done away with long ago. God didn't intend people to not have sex. We're sexual beings for (God's) sake. Having sex is a godly thing, why do you think people say "Oh my God", when they are about to orgasm?
2. I would tell everyone to use birth control, and use it often. I would have condoms handed out after mass. We have enough people in the world that we can't take care of; we don't need to keep procreating and procreating and procreating.
3. I would sanction gay marriage.

But alas, I guess I won't have the chance this time; maybe next time, or maybe, the Vatican just hasn't been able to get through to me, (you know, international calling and everything.)