Celebrating a year of blogging...

February 12, 2005 was my first blog post. It's amazing to me to look back at those earlier posts and read about what was going on in my life and how difficult it all was. Back then, no one read my blog, and I didn't care that they didn't. I was just trying something to help myself break through the pain and desparity that was my life.

Through this year, I have grown and changed, and my blogging has grown and changed as well. Sometimes I forget who I'm writing for and try to be witty and funny like LeLo, or eloquent like Kristine, or entertaining like Kami and Pissy, or incredibly creative and fabulous like Jessica, (not to mention how fucking sexy she is...) Sometimes I forget who I'm writing for, but I always try to come back to me.

Everyone has their own style, and I don't really know what my style is, except to say that it's just the honest and sometimes raw feelings and thoughts of RSG. I may not always be politically correct; (yes, I like Eminem and Howard Stern, get over it people.) And truly, a lot of people extremely disagree with the choices that I've made by changing my life; but I am living my life, honestly and truthfully for the first time ever.

A lot has happened during this past year and I won't reflect too closely on it except to say that it's come full circle and I am happy that those hard times are now behind me. I always knew that they would be someday, but when you're in it, it's so hard to see...so hard.

I always knew someday I would be standing here, looking back and remembering. Because of blogging, I have a permament record of that misery; I can remember it well.
The pain, the illness, the debilitating depression, the uncertainty, the fear.
The joy, the love, the loss, the excitement of new things.

I lost both of my dogs and two of my grandparents this past year.
I was very sick at times, I started a job for the first time in eight years, made new friends, went on four trips, arrived, became. I flew to fucking California to spend the weekend with STRANGERS! It turned out to be one of the very best weekends of my entire life; one that gave me some of the best friends that I'll ever know.

And here I am.
A year later, surrounded by all of you, every day who stop by here to see what's going on in my corner of the world. YOU all are the greatest friends, I know that may sound weird to anyone who doesn't get it; but you are. You have shared your lives with me, your love, your loss, your pregnancies, your deaths, your joy, your depression, your frustrations, your sex tips... We share so much of ourselves here in blogging land and it really rocks.

So what does the next year bring for me?

Well as far as blogging goes, I would like to do some focusing on Recovering Straight Girl issues for the other Recovering Straight Girls out there (there are a FEW of us you know...) I'm going to pick a day to be RSG tip day and address something that I have discovered, learned, decided, realized about being an RSG and coming out at a later time in life.

I would also like to do a little segment (another blog attached to this one,) on Portland area strip clubs. We have more strip clubs per capita than any other US city (and more lesbians per capita as well...) I think it should be my duty in this next year to try to check out every one of them, do a little review, let people know which ones are the ones to frequent if you were so inclined. I happen to adore strip clubs as of late, and find them highly entertaining. I'm going to be very busy...

Personally, I plan on continuing to raise my girls the best way that I can (now minus a lot of heartache and drama that has been a part of their lives this past year,) be a loving daughter and sister, and work on my career ideas which include several possibilities and opportunities. I plan on having a LOT of fun (hence, the strip club project,) and finally; I plan on loving my new girlfriend the best way that I can, every single day.

I hope you will all join me on the journey; I'd love to have you along.
Here's to another year of blogging!

PS: I had to recover this post TWICE. I do not heart Blogger right now, and Typepad is looking really fucking good.