Tuesday, May 09, 2006

One more day

I miss my Hottie Girlfriend.

Of course I talk and text her like ten thousand times a day, but it's just not quite the same. I miss having her here to talk to me, sleep next to me, run around doing stupid stuff with me. No one has done the laundry, and once I left my clothes on the middle of the bedroom floor.

I'm a mess. Big pathetic mess.

When HG and I first started dating, it was after a brief, but well intended friendship. Neither one of us were ready or even looking to be in any kind of relationship. I told her the first time that we met for coffee that I had nothing to offer someone; I had strings, and issues, and a lot of baggage. Loads and loads and loads of baggage. I had so much baggage I needed a small truck to carry it all around. I was broken and sad and felt very damaged and unworthy of anything good to happen. I was convinced that I would spend a long, long time alone contemplating my life decisions and being punished for hurting people that I had loved. I was okay with the alone part. I'm not afraid of myself, I was just sure that it was going to be a long time before I felt anything other than heartache.

HG and I spent several days e-mailing and IMing. I hadn't even given her my phone number because, really, what was the point? I wasn't going to "date" her. I even offered my friend from work that maybe SHE should date her since there was no way that I could. I invited her to attend an event; so I could introduce her to some of my friends. It became very apparent within about five seconds of our second "NON-date," that I was insanely attracted to her. So attracted that at moments I felt like I couldn't even breathe, I couldn't focus, I felt like I had taken some kind of drug that makes you feel like electricity is exploding in your body. It made my chest hurt, and my toes tingle; it was not like anything I had every felt before. Nothing was awkward, the entire evening just flowed and moved like we had always known eachother and our lives had always fit together. We still weren't admitting that we felt anything other than friendship, out loud anyway. Everyone around us just looked at us and smiled; they saw what we were trying to deny.

We only denied it for a few more hours and we haven't been away from eachother for more than a short while ever since.

Until now.

It amazes me so much that somehow I managed to live almost 37 years without HG in my life; but now that she's so much a part of it, I can't remember what it was like before she was in it. I guess that's just what love does to you.

Only one more day.


Blogger pack of 2 said...

I hate to say I told you so ...but I told you that there was someone better out there for you & that relationships didn't need to be as hard as you were experiencing.

But I won't say I told you so ...OKAY:)

Oh...and...FIRST BITCHES!!!


Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:32:00 AM  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Aww I thought I might make it first :)
I'm glad to see others so happy in their relationships. You & HG, Shangie. It helps buoy me up when i'm going through a tough time in mine.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger Lee said...

dang you got it bad ;)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

I am really glad you found the happiness you so clearly deserve.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

What Shangie said.
You are fabulous and you deserve this. As long as you remember that, all will be good.
Ya hear me?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

You are soooo in love, and it's so great to "see". Sometimes the very best things in life happen when we're not looking for them. Enjoy every minute, no - every second, of your life together!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 2:12:00 PM  
Blogger LeeLee35 said...

I really needed to read this today. Thank you for reminding me that this feeling exists and it's possible.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 5:27:00 PM  
Blogger Kami said...

Aw. I'm jealous, man!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 9:05:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

Happy HG Homecoming Day! HOORAY!

Thursday, May 11, 2006 5:32:00 AM  
Blogger LeLo in NoPo said...

Sugar sweet puppies and hearts and rainbows and unicorns with fluffy manes....that's what you are right now. Love it. You're fabulous.

Thursday, May 11, 2006 6:14:00 AM  
Blogger Deadly Female said...

That's just so lovely - I hope she hurries home to you xx

Thursday, May 11, 2006 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

I hope she hurries home to you too!

(Mr. Wonderful will be out of town for two whole days next month, and the thought of it is making me CRAAAAAAAAAAAZEEEEEEEEEEEE!)

and what Shangie said :)

Thursday, May 11, 2006 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger Unbalanced said...

It's refreshing to read of your love for HG, thank you for sharing.

Thursday, May 11, 2006 2:36:00 PM  
Blogger Whyme said...

Isn't it ironic that sometimes, the people we never planned on dating or letting in to our lives somehow sneak in there and you can't imagine life without them? I know that feeling all too well. :)

I am truly thrilled for you that you are this happy, that you have found someone who loves you back and who treats you well and is not lovely-but-confused. Congrats!

p.s. My blog moved...and my old blogger deleted. There's some nasty trolls in this world.


Thursday, May 11, 2006 10:05:00 PM  
Blogger Hippo said...

Great Post! Do you remember what life was like before me, before I used to comment on your blog.

Dr H.O. Potamus-Blowin' in like a bad storm ;>)

Friday, May 12, 2006 12:42:00 PM  

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