One more day

I miss my Hottie Girlfriend.

Of course I talk and text her like ten thousand times a day, but it's just not quite the same. I miss having her here to talk to me, sleep next to me, run around doing stupid stuff with me. No one has done the laundry, and once I left my clothes on the middle of the bedroom floor.

I'm a mess. Big pathetic mess.

When HG and I first started dating, it was after a brief, but well intended friendship. Neither one of us were ready or even looking to be in any kind of relationship. I told her the first time that we met for coffee that I had nothing to offer someone; I had strings, and issues, and a lot of baggage. Loads and loads and loads of baggage. I had so much baggage I needed a small truck to carry it all around. I was broken and sad and felt very damaged and unworthy of anything good to happen. I was convinced that I would spend a long, long time alone contemplating my life decisions and being punished for hurting people that I had loved. I was okay with the alone part. I'm not afraid of myself, I was just sure that it was going to be a long time before I felt anything other than heartache.

HG and I spent several days e-mailing and IMing. I hadn't even given her my phone number because, really, what was the point? I wasn't going to "date" her. I even offered my friend from work that maybe SHE should date her since there was no way that I could. I invited her to attend an event; so I could introduce her to some of my friends. It became very apparent within about five seconds of our second "NON-date," that I was insanely attracted to her. So attracted that at moments I felt like I couldn't even breathe, I couldn't focus, I felt like I had taken some kind of drug that makes you feel like electricity is exploding in your body. It made my chest hurt, and my toes tingle; it was not like anything I had every felt before. Nothing was awkward, the entire evening just flowed and moved like we had always known eachother and our lives had always fit together. We still weren't admitting that we felt anything other than friendship, out loud anyway. Everyone around us just looked at us and smiled; they saw what we were trying to deny.

We only denied it for a few more hours and we haven't been away from eachother for more than a short while ever since.

Until now.

It amazes me so much that somehow I managed to live almost 37 years without HG in my life; but now that she's so much a part of it, I can't remember what it was like before she was in it. I guess that's just what love does to you.

Only one more day.