Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Choosing to be gay

I recently upgraded my cable subscription to accommodate my new Comcast DVR. With my upgraded cable line-up I now receive The Logo Channel, which is a new cable station for the GLBTQ community. With my new DVR, I chose several shows on Logo to record. One of the shows I recorded and watched last night was The Advocate Newsmagazine. It is a partner between The Advocate and MTV for The Logo Channel. It was a fabulous show and I encourage you to go the the website and check out some of the interviews.

I really enjoyed the interview with Sheryl Swoopes, WNBA player who recently came out. I could really identify with a lot of the things that she shared and her thoughts and feelings about coming out as a lesbian after living the first part of her life seemingly straight. I found myself chuckling at some of the things that she said, how she felt, and her view of "choosing" to be gay.

I share her perspective.

I do believe that there are many, many GLBTQ people who were born with that orientation already in their DNA. I also believe that there are many gay people who fall in love with a person who happens to be of their same sex and they choose to be gay because they are following their heart and soul. And I also believe there are people who fall somewhere in between.

I was straight my whole life and didn't know any different. I fell in love with a woman and for me it was like a light went off in my head; suddenly things that didn't make any sense or felt strange before made sense or felt "right." Now that I've had that experience, I choose to continue to live my life as a lesbian because that is what I now prefer. If I were forced to live my life as a heterosexual, I would probably survive; I certainly wouldn't be living completely, but I would manage. I would survive because I already have a reference of living a straight life; other lesbians I know could not live a heterosexual lifestyle, even if they had to, and would probably die if they had to have relations with a man!

Ms. Swoopes was asked if she was prepared to take flack from the GLBTQ community for claiming that her homosexuality was a "choice." She replied that she knew that she was going to take flack from a LOT of people.

I think that our society is much more tolerant to people being able to express their sexuality and their love in so many different ways. The old "rules" have gone by the wayside and people are free to allow themselves to go to all of the parts of themselves and try it out. It's happening every day, to people everywhere. In my own small world I know of TWO other women who are my age, and after living their lives straight, marrying, and having children fell in love with women and are now in lesbian relationships. Both of those women as well as myself had this "realization" in the last 18 months. Cynthia Nixon, from Sex in the City, as well as Ms. Swoopes also make up our group.

Whether someone is born gay, chooses to be gay, or just prefers to be gay; it should matter not. All people should be embraced for who they are; who they choose to love at the time should be a non-issue. The freedom to be who you are and love who you want without labeling yourself, should be accepted by the straight community, but especially accepted by the GLBTQ community who has worked so hard for acceptance, understanding and validation of who they are and their relationships.

Check out the complete video interview here.

17 Comments:

Blogger pack of 2 said...

I agree with you Woo...I am forced to tell you as her #1 fan...It's swoopEs. You are missing the "E"

I think i could have been with men...although I now know that sex with women is MUCH BETTER! I also didn't trust men's motives but from talking to a lot of str8 women over time...that sounds like something many women feel...not just the gay ones.

Great post & remember...I loved Sheryl Swoopes...even when I thought she was str8! No labeling going on here.

Oh & For the record...I'm gay:)

Shelly

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 5:45:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

Sorry Woo, TYPO fixed!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 6:04:00 PM  
Blogger pack of 2 said...

Thanks Woo. I feel settled now:)

I know cristin...who would have thought??? LOL!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger krazyrabbit said...

Came across your blog and have been enjoying reading what you have to say. Just thought I’d make a comment on the “choosing to be gay” concept. I watched the Advocate show on LOGO and saw the interview with Swoopes. Like you, I realized rather late in life (41) that I prefer to be with women, and that is a choice I made when I fell in love with another woman. The major problem with being honest and proclaiming that homosexuality is a choice is that gives the anti-gay forces some wonderful cannon fodder, such as, “If it’s a choice than you can choose NOT to be gay.” Whenever someone who is gay states the notion that it is a choice, it supports groups like Homosexual Anonymous, the group run by the American Family Association. They state:

“Homosexuality is a 'behavior, not a condition,' and something that some people can and do change, just like they sometimes change tastes and other personality traits." Some will find these truths deeply disturbing. They rob us of some of our favorite excuses. We can no longer cry, "I can't help myself. I was born this way." These truths mean we have to take responsibility for our lives and our actions.”

These groups believe that any homosexual can change their sexual behaivor, that we all have a choice. I can see why gays who believe deeply that they were born homosexual would feel anger towards those who publicly voice that their sexuality was a choice they made. This also might explain why so many gays/lesbians feel resentment towards bisexuals, because they also add the “choice” concept into the mix.

I respect Sheryl Swoopes’ decision to come out, but if it had been me, I would not have declared my personal choice decision to the press. Just my opinion!

p.s. – Love your ID “Recovering Straight Girl!”

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 9:20:00 PM  
Blogger Kami said...

Great post. :) I love ya just how you are.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

Very nicely put.

Can I also just say that you keep great company. Usually a post along these lines will totally stir up shit.

I've probably jinxed you now. Duck.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 9:42:00 PM  
Blogger LeLo said...

Oohhh I love it: loaded topic! loaded topic! loaded topic! on the RSG blog.....

I have to record that show from now on: didn't realize it was up and running already. As for topic, I'm with KrazyRabbit: unfortunatley the choice topic has been used by those that want to deny th glbtq from existing with the rest of society. The incredibly sad "recovered gay" contingent says "you can fight the demons". I'd suggest everyone see Brokeback Mountain for some insight into what happens when you deny your true self.

But back to the post. It's too bad some folks in the glbtq community have come out against Swoopes and her words about choice. For her, that is her experience. I say props to anyone who is famous who comes out of the closet. There are so many who don't have the cajones to do so and it pisses me off.

And as for choice, I know many people for whom it is not a choice. But for many it is. Wow what a concept: we aren't all exactly the same. :) Now that's a thought to ponder.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 5:59:00 AM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

Just to clarify the record:

I absolutely do not support the idea that homosexuality can or should be "cured."

Even though I and many other people discovered their homosexual tendencies/preferences/desires later in life does not lessen our "gayness," and certainly doesn't make us candidates for changing back. Sorry, but after having relations with a woman, being staight just ain't an option for me anymore and I dare someone to try to change me!!!!!

Also, no one should have to use the "I was born this way" reason for acceptance. People should just be accepted for who they are, period.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:33:00 AM  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

"Also, no one should have to use the "I was born this way" reason for acceptance. People should just be accepted for who they are, period."

Wouldn't this smooth out a buncha family Christmas gatherings?

Enjoyed reading all of the comments as well as the post.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 10:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, RSG, what I totally don't understand is that you say you're not that talented of a writer...this is the most articulate commentary I've read on the subject! you've certainly persuaded me to rethink it! I was convinced that no one would choose to be gay in this society, but after reading your post, it's obvious to me that some people can and do make a choice - and it's totally okay!

This goes along with something I recently heard on NPR...a scholar was discussing Shakespeare, and one of the callers asked about Shakespeare being gay or bi, and the scholarly dude said that subject is so boring to him and he refused to discuss it. Shakespeare had sex with women /and/ men, but that had nothing to do with his phenomenal influence on theatre and the English language and all the other IMPORTANT topics that scholar was on the show to discuss (well, important to geeks like me ;-)

You're right - it has to be a non-issue, because it IS boring! Who cares anymore who loves whom and why? It's a person's contribution to society that matters! And you contribute LOTS! :D

In the meantime, can you just accept that you're a good writer? hehehe...I bet you were born that way ;-)

Thursday, December 15, 2005 4:22:00 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

I'm going to somewhat disagree with you. I do believe that there is a genetic factor involved. In my younger days I *chose* to be straight, I knew in the deepest part of my heart that I wasn't, but I was too afraid to admit it. It took me slowly reading and doing a lot of soul searching to admit to myself that I wasn't straight.

Fast forward a few years and I make contact with my birth sister, four years younger than me. Raised with different parents in different homes, in different cities. We're both gay.

I couldn't go back to living a het life. It would eat away at my soul. Besides, straight sex sucked big time. I would rather be alone than be with a guy.

Sheryl is entitled to her opinions and beliefs in whether she feels it's a choice or not. No one has the right to criticize someone's opinion. However, it does get into a slippery slope with the way the evangelical right says we're all going to hell because of our lifestyle "choice". The only choice I make each day is what to wear and what to eat. The rest isn't a choice, it's who I am, deep inside. It's who I am when I lay down at night to fall asleep and am alone in my thoughts. It's who I am when I wake up in the moring and look in the mirror. There's no question that it's NOT a choice for me. It's what I'm all about. Nothing and no one can change that, nor would I want them to.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:06:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

I know a lot of people who are gay who also have gay siblings. I completely agree that for a LOT of people it is inheritantly in their DNA, definitely, for sure. I'm with you on that entirely.

But not for everyone. Some people do choose who they love and how they decide to live.

I think it's unacceptable for the religious right or anyone else to condemn anyone for who they are, regardless of whether it's a choice or how you're born. That part is just wrong no matter how you look at it.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:28:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

I just had another thought.
I refuse to make an excuse or to explain to anyone why I am how I am.
I am who I am.
I'm a lesbian, either by design or by choice, I'm still a lesbian and I don't have to defend my lifestyle to anyone.
If they don't like it,
Fuck them.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

It's taken a long time for me to stop caring about what other people think of me because I'm gay. Yeah to you for being out such a short time and knowing it's okay to say "fuck it" if they don't like it.

Friday, December 16, 2005 3:27:00 AM  
Blogger Whyme said...

WOW! Truly...wow!

Great post, great comments and great topic.

Gay, straight, bi..it doesn't matter. What matters is the person we are and the people we love.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 4:48:00 AM  
Blogger goblinbox said...

Krazyrabbit's comments were wonderful; I was about to say that society's current prevailing belief, that science has 'proved' homosexuality to be genetic, is false (in the sense that it hasn't, in fact, been 'proven'), but keeping the idea alive, even if it's not literally true, does have great benefits. I think it is probably easier for some people to think that it 'isn't your fault'.

Plus, I've met very small children who were obviously gay, and who grew up to be gay. So, even if they haven't proven it, they probably will eventually.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 6:00:00 PM  
Blogger goblinbox said...

P.S. What Makes People Gay? is a cool article.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 6:01:00 PM  

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