I was asked by another RSG, how I came out to my kids.
I only recently came out to my kids, within the past month. First I came out to DD#1, as she is the oldest, and I felt it was time. Because HG and I are very openly affectionate with eachother around the children, I decided last week to mention it to the little girls.
It was completely painless and without issue. I had DD#1 come up to my room while I was up there and lay on my bed with me. I asked her how she would feel about my dating someone. She said she was fine. I told her that I wanted to date HG. She said that was fine, that she liked HG. I asked her if it was weird to her that I was dating a woman; she said no. I told her that some day, someone might have an issue with it. She said that she didn't know why, but that we would deal with that if it happened. I told her that I had been figuring things out for myself for the past year or so. I said that I figured she probably wasn't surprised about what I was telling her; she said she wasn't.
The little girls were a little easier, but similar with simpler language. I told them that I loved HG; they said they knew that and they did too. I told them that some day someone might say to them that it was weird that I was with a woman instead of a man; they said, "why?" I said, because not every woman is with another woman, so some people think it's different. I told them that we would deal with that if we ever needed to.
That was it.
Now. My advice to my fellow Recovering Straight Girls is this. If you have kids, they probably know a lot more than you think that you do. It's important to be honest with them to their maturity level.
Experts advise that if you are changing your sexual preference or seemingly orientation, (meaning you lived as a heterosexual and are now planning on living as a homosexual,) you should "come out" to your children PRIOR to their going through their own puberty and questioning or wondering about their own sexual identity and/or orientation. I have no idea why this is but I would imagine that it has something to do with the raging fucking hormones and ideals that pre-teens and teenagers posses.
I'm glad that I was able to come out to my children at the ages that they are. They are open and accepting and willing to go with the flow. I'm sure this is also a testament to the way that XH and I have raised them to be open and affirming and accepting to all people; and that they feel secure and loved in their family, albeit a divorced family.
The most important prevalent fact is that they ARE loved and secure and cared for and now they have another person in their life that loves and cares for them and provides them security and comfort. As long as children are growing in an environment like that; they are usually fine with the details.
My children are always my first priority.
I am living my life, but I always consider their safety and well being and growth. I am a better person and a better mother because I am living the way that I need to live and they reap those benefits. They are cared for by both of their parents and loved very much by both of us. I love the way that HG loves and cares for them and I hope that someday XH will find someone who will do the same.
Don't put it off too long; don't live in the closet to your children. They will love you no matter what, give them a little credit. I'm sure my good friend Pissy will have something to add to this, as well as others who's parents came out to them.
That's the end of Ask RSG. Keep sending your questions, I'll keep answering.
Ciao y'all.
