Trip From East to West Pictures

This was Day 3; lunch with my Dad and my sisters. The waitress thought I was the girls mom, and I wanted to hit her, but it was fun hanging out with them.

My Uncle Tom took this as we were pulling out of the driveway heading out on the road.

Visiting Little Sister in her very fashionable and very sexy bathrobe. Yes if you look close at her eyes, you will notice, that she is indeed....stoned.

Beautiful downtown Indianapolis, Indiana.

That big silver, metal horseshoe thing in St. Louis.

The Waffle House right outside of Kansas City, which is in Missouri. We had lunch and sweet tea here...yummy.

Welcome to Kansas.

Nancy, from Clarks Summit, PA who worked at the liquor store in Junction City, Kansas.

More Kansas. This is what I looked at for SEVEN hours.

My bro and my cousin on the rocks in Boulder, CO.

My cousin and I at Trilogy, a club in Boulder.

Beautiful Colorado and into Wyoming.

Utah or Wyoming...

Utah

Utah and then into Idaho...

Toady Joe, that sweet girl at her cute house.

Washington State, as seen across the Columbia River through the Columbia River Basin.

My beautiful state of Oregon, clouds and all.

There you have it folks, just a glimpse of the 12 states that I visited in five days of traveling across this fine country of ours.
The 12 states that we visited were:
Pennsylvania
West Virginia
Ohio
Indiana
Illinois
Missouri
Kansas
Colorado
Wyoming
Utah
Idaho
Oregon
That's a lot of states and a lot of different terrain, climate, and weather. All of the people that we met were nice and we had a great time.

With that said, I don't think I want to do that trip anytime again in the near future. I think once every ten years or so will be fine. The last time that I did that trip (1992) was when I moved to Oregon. Wow, things were even different this time. Back then, I didn't worry about cell coverage, or if the hotel had wireless, or if my digital camera battery was charged. I had to rely on maps, not calling my former LBCG to mapquest stuff, and I certainly didn't have wonderful blogging friends to visit, stay with, have lunch with and chat with all along the way.

If I do this trip again in another 12 years, I wonder what will be different then?
Interesting to ponder.

Ciao y'all. I gotta go pack for
CALIFUCKINGFORNIA!!!!!

Pondering What to Pack

I know everyone is DYING to see my car photography from my trip; and I promise I'll have it up very soon. I took 169 pictures on my trip and it took forever to upload them to my computer, nevermind how long it will take to upload to Flickr, but they're coming.

I have bigger issues to deal with.

In EXACTLY 48 hours I will be boarding a Southwest Airlines Flight to Sacramento, California to visit with Kristine and Pissy. I'll be toting my laptop so I can war off of Kristine's neighbors wireless, and some PRESENTS for Kristine and Pissy and Shaun, (I learned my fucking lesson, okay...) But what the hell do I pack? I'll for sure be wearing my RSG shirt that Shaun made for me, so that I'm easily spotted by the media for our meeting, (media=Kristine with her D-70.)

But what else do I bring? I don't know what that Bitch-ass-Ho Kristine has planned for us besides drinking Captain and Coke, smoking cigarettes and making fun of Pissy's accent. I think I can wear jeans and a t-shirt for that, don't ya think?

Will we be going to church?
Do I need any formalwear?
What kind of shoes?
Bathing suit for the imaginary pool?
Maybe I could wear an imaginary bathing suit for the imaginary pool.
What does one wear to Bingo?

I'm so confused. This is really a fashion emergency.
Help?

Day Seven of the Trip

Left Ogden Utah this morning, but before leaving I went to the restaurant for coffee while I waited for my bro to shower and get ready (which as I mentioned, takes a while...) So I asked to be seated near a power outlet because I forgot to charge my laptop battery but they didn't have a table near an outlet. Instead I got sat in a booth where I sat down and saw that my server was a lesbian. Yes, another lesbian spotted in Ogden, in the same restaurant. It must be where all the local lesbians hang because when I was leaving I spotted two MORE in the waiting area waiting to be sat, probably in Andrea, my lesbian servers section. I was packing up my stuff into my laptop bag after paying the check near the lesbians in the waiting area and I yanked out my Advocate magazine. That is when one of the lesbians asked if I was from out of town. I said yes, that I was from Portland and gave her the short version of my trip. She asked what I did while I was in Ogden and I replied that I had not done anything in particular. It did not occur to me until later that perhaps I should have asked if I had missed something fun. Then I was mad at myself for not Google searching the Ogden, Utah lesbian hot spots. All I did last night was watch the TBS version of My Cousin Vinnie with all the curse words bleeped out. If I had known that Ogden was such a lesbian metropolis, I may have ventured out into it and met up with some Ogden lesbians. There are a lot of them from what I found on my short time there.

So regretting not taking more advantage of my Ogden opportunity, we left a little after ten in the morning. The speed limit through beautiful Utah and into Idaho is 75 so I was easily cruising around 90. It is really fun to go 90, now I know what a race car driver feels like, well maybe not, but kind of. Utah is so pretty. I really liked it there, not enough to relocate my family there mind you, but I kind of wish I had a friend to visit there. Speaking of friends. As I mentioned in my last post, Toady Joe has been am awesome friend to me on my journey, frequently checking in with me and offering us her home to stay with her. Because of my very fast, breaking the law driving, I was making much better time than I imagined, so I found myself approaching Toady Joe's home right after lunch. Really it was too early to stop for the day so we decided on a lunch and a visit. Toady Joe directed me to her house where I met her very nice and handsome husband and her two Dalmatians and her frog. She has a lovely brick home that was quite immaculate. She presented me with a beautiful, rainbow-y scarf that she knitted for me and gave me the tour of her home. I of course, being lame, did not have a gift for her. Why I did not learn my lesson from Little Sister, I do not know. We decided to go to a local place for lunch, near where we needed to get back on the highway. Toady Joe invited her son and we had a lovely lunch and a wonderful visit. She is so very, very sweet and nice. Very, very nice. Her husband underhandedly commandeered the check and paid it before I could get my hands on it. So not only did she extend her hospitality, and knit me a scarf, she also bought me and my brother lunch. How nice is that?
And me, without a gift.
Loser.
I am going to make it up to her though, when she comes to visit me in Portland, which better be soon.

After we left nice and sweet Toady Joe and her handsome husband and her very nice, bass-playing son, we were off on the open road again. As I write this, we are just west of Pendleton, Oregon. We are less than 168 miles from home and although I imagined us staying another night on the road, I am now thinking that I do not think I can be this close to home and stay away. My brother is driving right now, (obviously, since I am typing, I am not THAT good of a driver,) and I think I will wait till I have to pee again, (which should be any time now,) and take over the driving until we get home. My brother thinks that I have a medical condition that causes me to pee so often. He thinks that I should see a doctor and wonders if our mother knows about my condition.) I tried explaining that I am a woman who has borne three children and consumed mass amounts of coffee and iced tea today, but he is still concerned.

When I post this, I will be home. It is hard to believe that I left Portland less than a week ago and here I am just a few hours away driving home. It was so good to be home in Pennsylvania, and now coming home to Oregon.

I am too superstitious to assume I am going to arrive home safely, so I will just leave this post with the intention of finishing it when I get there and before I post it.

You know what?
Dorothy was right.
There really is no place like home, and I have had such a great time visiting my old home and bringing my brother into his new home with my mom and the girls and I in Oregon.
His journey is just beginning and I hope that he will be happy here with us.

I am home safe and now going to post this...
Happy to be home.
Happy to see my sweet girls and my dog.
Happy to see my Mom.
Happy to see my former LBCG.
Very, very happy to sleep in my own bed.
GOODNIGHT!

Day Six of the Trip; Continued

So I am using the new Word for Blogger program. I so far like it; we'll see what happens when I try to post it. I really dislike Blogger's spell check program. It’s really not worth even using.

Today we traveled through Wyoming. Right in the middle of Wyoming is; well, really there isn't much except some beautiful terrain and lots of hills and mountains to look at. A lot of wind mill-power things, those are cool, and solar panels. No cell phone reception, which made me sad because I was hoping to check in with the girls. I really miss them a lot. They come home from California tomorrow and will be with my mom on Monday until I get home. I hope that they had a great time, I just really miss them.

This countryside is amazing.

As we continued on through Wyoming, (elevation, 8,600 feet,) the terrain began to change into less mountains, more colors, hills, small trees. It was difficult to breathe when we stopped at the rest stop. I still feel dizzy from Boulder yesterday.

We entered into Utah without any fanfare, there wasn’t even a "Welcome to Utah," sign. Utah is a beautiful place, absolutely stunning. The mountains and scenery looks more like a portrait than real life. I've been taking a lot of "road photography," You’ll be amazed at the beauty of it all.

We are presently safe and sound in Ogden, Utah. I was a little afraid of Utah, but upon arriving we went right to the restaurant near the hotel for dinner. At the restaurant, I saw five lesbians. Yes, FIVE lesbians. Right here in Ogden, Utah at the Best Western. There was a couple sitting at the first booth at the restaurant and then three women walked past our table leaving the restaurant. I wanted to wave and introduce myself, but I thought they might freak out a bit.

Tomorrow we are off to Idaho. I will be getting in touch with Toady Joe. She's been so great, calling and checking on me during the trip. I didn't have cell phone reception until we got in so I will be calling her tomorrow to arrange our rendezvous. I wonder if she'll let me take a picture of her in her bathrobe, like Little Sister did. I’ll have to ask her.

Day Six of the Trip

We made it through Kansas.
It was rough, but we got through it.
Remember my prediction about Kansas? Well, I was pretty much right on. What I forgot to mention about Kansas was how incredibly humid it was there. I don't believe I have ever experienced that kind of humidity before. You should have seen my hair. I have naturally curly hair, so you mix that, with Kansas humidity, it's not so pretty.

We left Kansas and entered into Colorado. Unfortunately that part of Colorado looks pretty much like Kansas, just with a different name. We had lunch at this little town and I ate more fried food. I don't know if my system will ever recover from all of the crappy food I've been eating on this journey across America.

So we came into the Denver area and it was quite spectacular. I once heard that the first settlers came through Colorado over the Continental Divide expecting to see the Pacific Ocean, but what they were met with was the Rocky Mountains. That would pretty much be a let down if you were expecting to have made it to the beach only to realize that you had a shitload of mountains to climb. Maybe they sang that song, "Climb Every Mountain." Perhaps not, perhaps that was Julie Andrews...

We zipped around Denver and onto Boulder where our cousin Lara lives. Boulder is quite lovely and we had a wonderful expererience looking at the mountains and later going into town watching street art and what not. We went to a little club called Trilogy where we had some drinks and danced. The elevation in Boulder is over 5,000 feet which is significantly higher than what my brother and I are used to. It makes you a little light headed and for me it feels like my sinuses are clogged. It also makes one very thirsty and potentially drunk very fast. So Lara insisted that we drink a LOT of water and I had to go pee every ten minutes, but we danced to great 80's music (which my brother LOVED...) and listened to a band in the back, which was really good.

Met a guy named Noah who teaches Physics at Colorado University. He was very nice and fun to talk to. His friends that he was with were drunk, and a bit obnoxious, but he was very nice. We also met about four thousand of Lara's friends. Boulder is a small town and she has lived there going to school, so she knows a lot of people. It was a cool time.

So here we are, ready to have some breakfast here at the Quality Inn in Boulder, and head out to the open road. Next stop: Utah. Utah frightens me a bit but I'll be ready. I think I'll wear my Indigo Girls t-shirt just to be a rebel!

Hopefully I'll be able to check in later; until then my friends.

It's Day Five of the Trip

Still at the Comfort Inn in Junction City, Kansas; waiting for my brother to get ready to go. He takes amazingly long showers. I'm not sure what he does it there. Condition his hair? Shave his legs? That's what takes me so long. Anyway.

We will be traveling through Kansas today. Remember how I said that there wasn't a lot going on in that part of Illinois that we went through? Well, there is REALLY not a lot going on through Kansas. No offense to anyone who lives in Kansas, but it's really out here in the middle (literally the middle,) of no where. I'm not sure I quite get it.

But Kansas it is. Last night there was an amazing storm. Really, like on that movie, Twister. There was lightening and thunder and HAIL. Yes, hail in the middle of August when it's like 90 degrees outside. I've never seen anything like it; but now I have, because I'm in Kansas. I was kind of hoping that we'd get to see a tornado, but I suppose the day is still young!

Last night we went to dinner at a local restaurant. Being that I don't eat read meat, I was quite limited on my cuisine choices, but it was fine. I've never seen Ceasar salad made with Iceberg lettuce, but I guess that's how they do it here is Kansas. I did have a good local beer, brewed in Kansas City. It was like a Widmer Hef, but a little lighter; quite nice. After dinner we went to the liquor store and bought a six pack. My bro bought it and handed the lady his PA license for ID. She looked at it and said, "Oh my god, I'm from Clarks Summitt, PA!" It just so happens that Nancy from the liquor store went to Abington Heights High School which is the same high school that my old friend Joey Lewis went. Now Nancy is a bit older than Joey but she does remember Beth Lewis, Joey's older sister. Right here is Junction City, Kansas was Nancy from Clarks Summitt who knows Beth Lewis, amazing. I took Nancy's picture; I'll post when I get a USB cable!

I also had the pleasure of meeting a very nice man named Jim. Jim is in the army and has been for 23 years. He's about to retire and is in the area to take a seminar from the army base nearby about how to write his resume and prepare for civilian life. He's been at the Comfort Inn for several days and drives a red pearl Harley. Jim has 14 tatoos and a cat named Oreo. He is from Virginia but has been living in North Dakota for awhile. Nice guy. Fun to talk to. I got to go off on all of my political thoughts and he agreed with me; I love that. I also met Cooper. Cooper goes to school nearby but he is from New York, Brooklyn New York. I'm not quite sure how one goes from Brooklyn to Junction City, Kansas, but I have my suspicions. I'm pretty sure that he witnessed a crime and is in the witness protection program. At first I thought maybe he committed a crime and ran to Kansas because no one would look for a young black man in Kansas, but after I talked to him awhile, I decided that he was too nice to have killed people and he must be in the witness protection program instead. So Cooper and Jim and Nancy; they're my new friends. From Kansas.

It's a long, long drive across Kansas. We'll be arriving in Denver sometime today and then visit our cousin who lives in Boulder. I don't know if I'll have internet tonight or not, but I will certainly try if I can.

I will write on the road, but I haven't figured out how to transfer what I write in Word onto the blogger post w/o making all of those weird characters. I tried removing the format, but that didn't work either. Anyone have any ideas? I don't want to re-write my posts, that would be dumb. I'll let you know of all I see today, which I suspect will be a whole lot of nothing, but perhaps I'll be surprised and I will see a tornado. We can only hope.

Everyone have a great one!
Peace.

It's Day Four of the Trip

I am blogging on the open road. I love using blog as a verb. It's one of those words that has so many meanings, and is so much fun. It is a noun, (I have a blog,) it's a verb, (I need to blog,) it's an adjective, (I met one of my blog friends.)

Speaking of blog friends…

I had the pleasure of meeting and staying with Little Sister last night.

She welcomed my brother and I into her lovely penthouse apartment overlooking the beautiful city of Indianapolis. There she gave me vodka and cigarettes and her hospitality for the evening. I was/am feeling quite guilty that I didn't bring her a gift or something.

I could have bought her something at The Cracker Barrel where we ate dinner outside of Columbus, OH, but Shelly informed me that Cracker Barrel was a racist, anti-gay company built on strong Christian morals to discriminate against people. I wasn't aware of Cracker Barrel's strong, Christian, discriminatory, gay-bashing reputation but be sure, now that I know, this I-70 West traveler will NOT be patronizing that establishment ever again.

Pity too, I really liked the chicken/broccoli/green bean dish I had there, not to mention the sweet tea.

I digress.

Before meeting Little Sister and the whole Cracker Barell incident we began our trip.

We left Pittsburgh at 5:30 EST on Wednesday and quickly swept through south-western PA and into Wheeling WV, then onto the lovely state of Ohio.

We passed Zanesville, OH which is a city where I lived when I was three. I called my mom and dad to commemorate the event.

Speaking of my mom and dad; they, unfortunately did not set me up very well for this adventure west. Prior to my flying to Pittsburgh, my mother told me that she put an atlas in my suitcase. While perusing Mapquest with my dad, I went to retrieve the so-called-atlas from my suitcase, only to discover that it was not an atlas at all but the Thomas guide for the city of Portland. I didn’t think it was going to do me any good on my trip across America so my dad gave me one of his Atlas's. I pulled out the so-called Atlas somewhere in Ohio only to discover that it was a WORLD atlas and unless I was suddenly going to change direction and go to Sudan, it wasn’t going to do me any good either. Somewhere between Columbus and Indianapolis, we stopped for gas and I bought a pocket atlas of the US. I couldn’t see spending $12.95 plus TAX (something we do NOT have in Oregon,) for an atlas I don't intend on using again so I opted for the smaller $3.95 plus tax version.

Again, I digress.

So upon leaving the lovely city of Indianapolis, which is quite easy to get around I might add, we stopped for a quick delicious breakfast, coffee, and gas and made our way to St. Louis.

In order to get to St. Louis, one must travel through Indiana and then through Illinois. Not a lot going on in that part of Illinois, but I did pass where Lincoln lived. You know, the president? He’s from Illionois, or was anyway. Before he died during that unfortunate theatre incident.

After Illinois, the state of Missouri welcomes you. Missouri is the "Show Me State." What do they want to see do you suppose?

I wasn't sure, so I didn’t venture to guess.

St. Louis is where they have that big silver horseshoe looking thing. We drove through the city instead of by-passing it and we got a few pictures of the big silver horseshoe looking thing from the car. I asked my brother if he wanted to stop, but he wasn’t interested. So pictures from the car going 70 mph it was.

Passing St. Louis we stopped at Waffle House for lunch. I wanted some more sweet tea and as I mentioned, I’m no longer allowed to eat at Cracker Barrel; Waffle House would have to be the next choice for sweet tea.

After a completely grease soaked BLT for lunch we were once again on our way. This time, destination: Kansas City, which apparently is not in Kansas. Just as soon as we left the city limits of St. Louis it started raining like crazy. Crazy I tell you. People think that it rains in Oregon? Oregon’s got nothing on Missouri. We could hardly see the road and there was thunder and lightening; scary shit. After the torrential downpour/thunderstorm we were once again up and going. We breezed through Kansas City and onto Topeka where we intended on staying the night. My brother decided that he wanted to keep driving; and here we are in the middle of Kansas.

We finally opted to stop in Junction City, Kansas at a lovely, wireless-internet-equipped Comfort Inn with a pool, hot tub and HBO. The nice man at the front desk, Cooper, instructed us where we should dine this evening and my brother is presently in the shower while I send out this quick blog which I blogged on the open road in Word, just awaiting a wireless signal. I so very happy. So I'm off, my blogging friends of the internet for a lovely dinner in this fine part of Kansas. I will return this evening and catch up on what some of you are doing before retiring to begin the next leg of this journey.

Until later my friends.

It's Day Three of the Trip

I'll have to get back to yesterday (Day Two.) It was VERY interesting. My family is sooo dysfunctional.

But for today, as I'm running out the door, I just wanted to say that it looks like we're going to take a different route. My Dad looked at the map with me and he thinks that although it's just a wee bit longer (about two hours,) that going a more southern route, (Rt. 70) would be a much more scenic route.

So it looks like we will be going through Columbus, St. Louis, and Denver, then going north toward Ogden onto Toady Joe's house, then west on 84 to Portland.

So this looks like I will miss Sublime this time, but if any of you other blogging friends on the internet are along this route, (Lil Sister???, others????) let Shelly at Pack of 2 know, and she'll call me on the road.

I'll blog when I can, love to you all!

Peace.

It's Day One of the Trip

I arrived in Pittsburgh almost on schedule. I was one tired girl. The red-eye sucks ass; especially when there is a SCREAMING BABY on the plane.

Thank God for the Widmer Hef and the Xanex that I took right before getting on that bitch; otherwise I would have been in HELL. I was able to sleep a bit and then on my second flight I was able to sleep a bit more.

My Dad picked me up from the airport. I haven't seen him in five years. We went by my Pap's house; which was basically completely emptied. My relatives didn't leave much for me to have, but I was able to get the very one thing that I wanted that no one took.

My grandparents candy dishes.

I loved those candy dishes. They were the first thing that I would see when I walked into their houses and they were always filled with gum drops and circus peanuts. Remember circus peanuts?

At every garage sale I attend, I look for candy dishes that make just the right clunk when you put on the lid.

I never find them; and now I don't have to look anymore. I'm really excited.

When we arrived at my Dad's house I got to see my sisters. I haven't seen them in five years either. They are so big now; eighteen and off to college and sixteen. Really nice girls. We went to lunch and then hung out for awhile. My sister Kara had to go to soccer practice so I rode along and took my sister Megan (the college freshman,) to Costco to buy her a DVD player for her dorm room. It was fun.

Tonight we just hung out and watched a whole bunch of reality tv shows that I didn't know existed. Megan and Kara turned me on to The 70's House, Growing Up Gotti, and Laguna Beach. Who knew?

I'm very tired my blogging friends on the internet; up all night does not do a body good. Plus, Laguna Beach isn't quite over, I need to see what happens next...

I'll check in when I can.

Peace to y'all.

All my bags are packed

and I'm ready to go.

But I needed to let everyone know that I'm okay and my stuff got done. Only because my Mom who rocks came over and helped me.

I am leaving on a jet plane tonight after my shift at my glamorous waitressing job.

I am flying to Atlanta, then Pittsburgh, then driving back to Oregon with my little brother.

I'll be home in a week.

I have my laptop and I will look for hotels with wireless so that I can keep up with all of y'all, (still workin on my southern to get ready for Pissy...)

Wish me luck!
Be good,
stay safe
you all have a great week!

I'm stalling

I have so much to do and I don't want to do it.

I need to finish laundry.
I need to clean my house.
I need to pay my bills.
I need to return a couple of phone calls.
I need to pack for my trip.
I need to shower.
I need to go to work in six hours.

Why can't I do it?

Because I'm sad and depressed.

I miss my kids. (They are in California with their Dad, no doubt having fun, but I'm worried and I miss them.)

I miss my former Lovely But Confused Girlfriend. I've spent very little time with my former LBCG the last several weeks. I've been trying to keep things in perspective and give her the time and space she needs; I've been trying to move on.
We saw eachother Thursday night and all day yesterday. It was really nice. It was a different kind of re-connecting, new, based on something different.
She left today to take her kids camping; I'm leaving tomorrow.
I won't see her for ten days. That makes me sad.
I really love her. I always will. I don't know what will happen between us but I'm willing to see what happens when I get back. Whatever happens, it won't be the way it was, that I can't do. If she wants something different, then I'm willing to try, but it can't be the status quo.

I'm stressed out about money.
I have some big things I need to take care of, obligations to meet and there is a delay in the process.

I dreamt of my XH last night.
It was a nice dream. He was hugging me, and he forgave me. Told me he would always love me. I told him I would always love him too but that we couldn't be together. I felt very loved by him in the dream.
I woke up with regrets.
I have them sometimes; but I know that I had to be honest with him, with myself. I don't regret being honest.

My stomach is upset. And has been since returning from camping. I feel YUCKY.

I have my period. Which is making EVERYTHING worse.

I'm catastrophizing. I'm afraid that I'm going to die on my trip or my kids will, or someone will. I feel like I ruined everyone's life.
I'm afraid.
I'm feeling alone.
I have so much to get done.

Back from the deep woods!

And we are all safe and sound; didn't see one sign of Big Foot, although I may have gotten a glimpse of the Lockness Monster in this lake:

This was our campsite.

The girls had a GREAT time canoeing,

and swimming in the lake.

They fought over who got to do the dishes every night!

Tuesday morning it rained. DD#1 and I made a shelter out of the room divider from our tent and the oars from the canoe. We read and snacked while watching the many, many chipmunks who ran around looking for treats from us.

This is my friend Darcy, having a glass of fine wine by the lake at sunset.

Mt. Hood at sunset.

Roasting marshmellows. DD#2 wore her swim goggles to keep the smoke out of her eyes.

Another Mt. Hood sunset picture. It was so lovely.

This is me this morning. Three days with NO shower. Don't I look great?

When we got home, we were so, so, so dirty. I truly don't believe I have EVER been that dirty in my life. I took a very, very, long shower!

So, no bear attacks, no Big Foot; just a lot of dirt! But a successful trip and fun was had for all!

Out of here y'all

Blogging Friends on the Internet:

I will be away from the blogging world for several days.
I will be camping in the deep wilderness of Oregon with my two daughters and my one alien-replaced-imposter daughter.
I'm a little afraid.
Big Foot lives out there.

If I don't get taken by Big Foot or eaten by bears, I'll be back on Thursday.

Y'all take care til then. (I'm practicing my "southern" for my trip to visit Pissy coming up...)
Stay out of trouble.
Hugs and kisses!

Stuff Portrait Friday... On Saturday

Sorry my blogging friends on the internet, I just couldn't get it together to do SPF on Friday. But better late than never I always say!
My Ride
2004 Honda Pilot
I've only had it a few months and I LOVE it. It drives like a dream, fits all of my kids plus their friends and it's great to go on small trips!

One Mile Away

This is the "town" part of town. The original town.
The building that you're looking at used to be the train station. It currently is a coffee shop, The Chamber of Commerce and City Hall, and a paint your own pottery place. A new City Hall/Library is being built a block away, it should be very nice when it is all finished.

This is the "new" part of town with my very favorite ammenity: Target.

I had to take this picture while turning. The car behind me was beeping at me...hee-hee!

This is just a picture of the street where I live. It's very pretty, well kept, nice little place.

The reason I like to live here is because we have great schools, great activities, and my kids have always lived here.
It would truly easier for me to move to another town where people didn't know me and didn't spend their time gossiping about me, but I could not do that to my children.
They love it here, it is their home, therefore it is mine as well.
Everyone else can just get over it!

Hope everyone has a fab weekend; I'm off to my glamorous waitressing job!

Eight Year Old Girl; Abducted by Aliens

My eight year old daughter, (dd#2,) was abducted by aliens a few weeks ago.

I had my suspicions, but now I am sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it did indeed happen.

The Aliens replaced my very sweet little girl with a sassy, screaming, defiant, nasty, sister-hitting, shrieking, foot-stomping, did I mention shrieking, look-alike.

Those Aliens are gooood.
They know how to duplicate little girls very, very well.
I don't know if they do an alien cloning or if somehow they just do a "brain-transfer" or something. It perplexes me how they pulled it off; but I'm sure that they have my REAL daughter somewhere, either on their planet, or on their mother-ship.

It could be some kind of "test" I guess, like that movie, The Forgotten? A test of a mothers patience and love. Are the aliens interested in knowing if a human being could really keep loving someone who is acting very similar to Linda Blair in The Excorcist? You know that part where Linda Blair's character, Regan has the blazing red eyes and she starts cursing in Latin at the cute priest? Remember how her body is writhing and levetating off of the bed?
Like this...

THAT, my blogging friends on the internet, is what my alien-replaced-daughter is doing.

I'm trying to decide who I should call for help.

There is that guy on the radio, you know who I mean? The coast-to-coast radio guy who talks about aliens all of the time. I don't remember his name....anyone?

I could call the Catholic church; just in case it IS a demonic posession.
Maybe Keanu Reeves is available; he excorcised demons in that movie Constantine.

Maybe Will Smith?

The Ghostbusters?

The Poltergeist lady?

Does ANYONE know how to get your alien abducted/demonically posessed daughter back?
Please comment; all help is needed.
I REALLY miss my daughter.
I don't care for this imposter.
She's impossible.

I had no idea

Okay.

Do a MSN search of this:
Women who have slept with Melissa Etheridge

Guess who's page comes up #8?

Mine.

I had noooooo idea.

I wonder if Melissa knows.

Lucky, yummy surprises

Today I was at my glamorous waitressing job and after my break between shifts I pulled a clean apron off of the stack. (Our aprons are laundered and pressed and provided by the restaurant I work at.)

So, I put on my apron, and walked out to the floor to see where my section was. I greeted a table that was just sat in my section and walked by to pick up a stack of cocktail napkins. As I was placing the cocktail napkins in my apron pocket, I felt something inside of the pocket. What I pulled out was $22.00!!! It was a twenty dollar bill and two one dollar bills that had obviously been laundered and pressed and happen to be in MY apron that I put on.

I was so excited I could barely fucking stand it.

I know that may sound like a silly thing to get excited about; I mean it WAS only $22.00 but I thought of all of the thousands of aprons that the laundry service must launder, dry and press and all of the restaurants that they probably serve, and how I just happened to pick that one with the $22.00 surprise. It was so cool!

After work, which was slow, but the $22.00 helped; I went to pick up the kids from XH. We came home to find a bag on the rocking chair of my front porch. My former LBCG had told me that she left us a surprise there. Guess what it was?

A dozen Krispy Kreme fucking donuts!!!! Woo-Hoo!

After the girls were tucked into bed, I sat on the couch to watch the new television show I TiVo'd that premiered tonight on Showtime called Weeds. It's about a suburban homemaker who is widowed and she starts dealing pot to support herself. Mary-Louise Parker is in it and she is a HOTTY. It was a fabulous show, very funny. It will definitely be "season passed."

I hate THREE Krispy Kreme donuts and watched a cool show.

I had a GREAT night.

I hope that all of you had an equally fun, surprising evening!

I was tagged by Valerie

A long time ago.
I told you Valerie I was working on it.
I'm a procrastinator.

So here we go, my Ten Turn On's and Turn Off's.

Turn On's

1. Fancy Martini's with fancy names and sweet ingriedients.
2. Really good food.
3. Dancing.
4. When it's cold: Candles burning and a fire in the fireplace.
5. When it's hot: Candles burning outside, on the patio, with a cool breeze and a cool drink.
6. Snuggling on the couch with someone I really like.
7. Feeling a woman's smooth legs against mine.
8. Going out and having fun with friends.
9. Watching my kids do anything, (except fight...)
10. Having a clean house.
    authors note: It was brought to my attention that I forgot one of my most important turn-on's, and I realized I forgot another, so I'm editing this bitch to be my 12 turn-ON's!
11. The L-Word.
12. GWEN FUCKING STEFANI.

Turn Off's

1. Being broken up with.
2. Racisim.
3. Biggots.
4. Soap Scum.
5. Dirty baseboards.
6. Dirty counters.
7. Okay, dirty, messy houses in general.
8. Laundry.
9. Paying bills.
10. The general public.

I tag Curly Girl, cuz, I like her and she can't sleep so she needs something to do while she's awake.

As always, credit to Kristine for banner.

Something I obsess about...

Food Labels...Bleach...Blogging...
I obsess about food labels.
I read every label before I buy it, (unless I already KNOW what's in it.)
I won't buy stuff with Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil or beef products.
I have issues.

I am obsessed with bleach.
I bleach EVERYTHING, EVERY DAY!
I bleach my kitchen, my counters, my doorknobs, my toliets, my sinks, my clothes, (only the whites,) my patio.
I LOVE bleach.
I have issues.

I obsessed with blogging.
You already know that.
I have issues.

My Bad Habit...

Glasses in my bedroom...Coffee...
I have a bad habit of taking a glass of water with me every night to bed.
I typically don't drink it, but I like it to be there.
Usually I accumulate about five or six glasses on my dresser before taking them downstairs.

I have a bad habit of drinking coffee.
I drink too much of it and spend WAY too much money on it.

Something that causes me anxiety...
Oh, but there are so many things.

Money...My Schedule...
I have anxiety about money.
Most people do; I however, am particularily inept when it comes to dealing with money. I am getting MUCH better though, now that I HAVE to.

I have anxiety about my Schedule.
This is NOTHING compared to what it will look like when school starts and I add a whole shit load of other things to it like, volunteering and three soccer games a week, and three piano lessons a week, and chess club and PTA meetings and shit. August actually looks like a DREAM compared to what September will.

Luckily, I have these:

Xanex.
Oh, how I adore Xanex.

Get Out The Map

My baby brother, who is 22, is moving to Portland.
He just graduated from college and can't find a job... (thanks W.)
So he's moving here to live with my mother, (could be a nightmare, but we'll see...) and try to locate gainful employment or do what every other 22 year old who can't find a job does;
go to grad school.

So, it just so happens that XH is taking the kiddos to California for ten days to visit his parents and sister and what not. The dates that he is taking the kids happen to coincide with the time that my lil bro is planning on making the trip; which equals a perfect opportunity for me to fly out and drive back with him.

No one should make that fucking trip by themselves. Do you have any idea how BORING route 80 is across the US of A?
We have to drive through Nebraska.
And Utah.
Can I even get a beer in Utah?
Smokes?
I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure beer and smokes are illegal in Utah.

I digress.

So I'm going to Get Out The Map!

It will be great. 3,000 miles of time for me to drive, think, reflect about my seemingly fucked up life and perhaps by the time I reach eastern Oregon, I'll have it all figured out.
One can only hope.

I took the liberty of copying the route that we will be taking from Mapquest and letting you all take a look-see.
Here it is:

So.
Do you see you on there?
Along the route?
If I'm driving through your town and you would like to buy me dinner or something; just let me know, and we'll pull over!

Also, I'll be taking the red eye and stopping through Atlanta on Monday, August 22nd. I get in at like 5:30 AM. So if anyone from Atlanta is interested in driving out to the airport Monday morning to bring me coffee, that would be GREAT! (Okay, I know I'm pushing it now...)

Do you see how LONG that trip is?
That's long.
Way long.
By the time I get to Utah, I'm gonna need a beer.
It's too bad they're illegal there.

Frequently Asked Questions

Below is a list (albeit not complete,) of some of the barrage of questions that I get to answer on a very frequent basis.
I thought I would just go ahead and address some of them here.
Feel free to add if you like, I'll try to keep it updated.

Q: Are you sure you're really a lesbian?
A: Yes.

Q: When did you realize you were a lesbian?
A: The very first time I was with a woman.

Q: Do you think that maybe you're just bi-sexual?
A: No. There is nothing wrong with women who identify themselves as bi-sexual, I just can't imagine myself in an intimate relationship with a man, not that there is anything wrong with men, I'm just not interested.

Q: Did you ever have an experience/attraction to women before?
A: No.

Q: Do you think if you had "good" sex with a man, you would change your mind?
A: No. I've had "good" sex with men. I had great sex with men. That has nothing to do with it.

Q: Were you molested or abused in some way to turn you off of men?
A: No.

Q: What was it about guys that "changed" you?
A: I realized they weren't women.

Q: Do you miss sex with men?
A: No.

Q: Would you have a threesome with a woman and a guy?
A: No thanks, not interested. But whatever you want to do, go for it.

Q: How do you "do it?"
A: The same way you do stupid.
But if you REALLY want to know; check out this book.
Or go here.

Just a little photo blogging

This is my new RSG shirt that I bought from Shaun's CafePress shop.
He designed it for me.
He is awesome!
My boobs look lopsided though. I don't think they are, I think it's the way I was standing.

I mentioned that my friends Darcy and Angie and I went to the Portland Brewers Festival last Friday. I wanted to post some of the photos from that little fun filled evening.

Angie had the great idea of parking on the other side of the river from where the festival was going on; you know, to save the $4.00 in parking.

This is the motherfucking staircase that I had to climb BEFORE even walking across the six mile long bridge to the other side. I was exhausted just from climbing the stairs.

This would be the six mile bridge we walked across. It goes over the Willamette River.

That's the Brew Fest over there on the other side. The tall building in the background in the US Bank Building or "Big Pink" as it's called. It's the tallest building in Portland.

Here is looking North. The two towers on the right are the Portland Convention Center. Straight ahead is the Rose Garden where the Blazers play. They suck.

Here we are at the Brew Fest. From left to right is Debra, (she's a good friend of Darcy's,) Darcy, Angie and me. My favorite beer was a passionfruit beer from Hawaii. Yummy. I like girly beer. Darcy is the beer connoisseur. She knows a lot about beer and even makes it herself.

So I just thought I would share.